so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
