Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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