I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
