It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
