I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
