i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
