I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
