I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
