Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
