All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
