i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
