Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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