I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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