Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
