It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
