I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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