so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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