I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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