I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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