we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
