I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
