How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
