I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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