Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
