so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
