I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
