Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
