My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
