you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
