Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
