Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
