whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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