The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
