how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
