Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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