u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
