hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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