I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
