the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
