You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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