My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
