my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
