So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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