She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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