Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
