this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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