I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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