Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
