i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
