Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
