my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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